Tuesday, December 27, 2011

milestones or mileSTRESSES???

I'm all aflutter...and not in a good way.
I've always thought of myself as pretty independent and certainly not one to do things simply because other people were doing them. I think I've chosen a pretty unique lifestyle, and that in order to live this life, I can't be too much like a lot of other people. So WHY do I care all of a sudden when other babies are doing things before mine? I'm perfectly happy with a stationary baby who doesn't seem too interested in getting places - it just means more time for me to do what I need to and not worry about what he's getting into.  But I am starting to get a smidge concerned that he's only rolled over one way twice and that was several weeks ago. I'm worried that he HATES tummy time and will only lift his head to 90 degrees on a whim. I'm worried that he's not sitting up yet. And can I mention that I HATE HATE HATE "What to Expect The First Year"?  Arggg! All of the "should be"s and "probably"s are driving me up a wall!
So Finn has his own timetable - big deal! Why the heck should I worry? I'm sure moms around the world constantly compare their kids to each other and secretly fret about who's doing what when. I just honestly didn't think I'd be that kind of mom. To be honest, I didn't think I'd need to be since my child is OBVIOUSLY going to be super advanced for his age. Ha.
If motherhood has taught me anything thus far, it's that I can fully expect this kiddo to do exactly the opposite of what I expect.
I expected a home birth, got a hospital one.
I expected an overdue baby, I got one three weeks early.
I expected a huge, strapping baby, I got a wee one.
I expected him to be in the 100th percentile or off the charts, but he's hanging out in the 50-75% range.
I expected a child I could mold to my own heart's desires, not counting on him having his own personality or his own heart's desires.
I expected a happy, cheerful infant, I got colic.
I expected overachieving, I'm not getting it.
And all of this because I just love him like crazy. I want him to be OK. I want him to be healthy. The little dude's got his first cold this week over Christmas!  :(  And literally, you'd think the world had ended. I'm such a stressball about every cough, every sneeze, and his poor little watery eyes. I just want to DO SOMETHING for him to make it all better, but I can't and it's driving me crazy. WHAT IF the reason he's not hitting his milestones is because something bigger is going on. If I can barely keep myself together while he has a measly cold, how do I deal with anything else?

Luckily, I have a little voice in my head who smacks some sense into me at these junctures:
OK, get a grip, Sarah. He's fine. He's healthy, he's freaking adorable, and he's a joy to have in your life. Pull it together and enjoy this amazing time. It won't last forever, and you don't want to waste it all worrying about him. He is who he is and will get there in his own time.

Arg, that is all. Thanks for listening.
Here's the dude with his Grampa  on Christmas :) Man, he's even cute when he's sick.