Wednesday, October 24, 2012

a few long days


I've been hanging out with a sick kiddo for the past couple of days...which means not much sleep and a whole lotta clinginess. I'm at work now, quite sure that I'm going to get a call from day care that he's not doing well and asking me to pick him up. Now that he's passed on whatever nastiness he has to me, I wish there was someone I could whine to and carry me around and take me for walks so my sinuses can drain with the help of gravity. I am quite glad that no one is sticking syringes up my nose to squeeze them out, though.

I do love my day care, though...the women who take care of him do such an awesome job and really care about him, and the cost is as nominal as is humanly possible to give an option to the lower income families on the island. In that respect, I can overlook the fact that I've been paying for Finn to be at daycare for the past two days, even though he's been home with me and I haven't been able to work. It's the price we pay for having quality day care at low cost.

Just got the call.
Off to pick up the kid.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

away we go!

T minus three days until we leave Finn overnight for the first time.

I'm taking Chad to the mainland to celebrate his 35th birthday. we're staying at our favorite b&b, and going to get "the best burger in maine" according to the Food Network. After weeks of inquiring what he'd like for his birthday meal (trying to get an idea of where to make reservations), he said "a really good burger", so a burger it is.
We're also going to pick up a wood stove I found on Craigslist and run a few errands (one day, we'll leave the island with no agenda and just while away the hours on the mainland.
Actually, that will probably never happen, but I'm hoping we can balance things a bit and just spend some time together this weekend. It's been a while. You know, like 15 months.

I am feeling a little trepidation about leaving Finn overnight with my Dad and stepmom since he's been a bit...difficult...during the overnights recently. It's so hard not to know what's going on - why he's crying, why he wakes up again and again (for going on two hours). Is it teething? Is he hungry? Thirsty? Cold? I think it was the latter last night as he finally settled down when I wrapped his bottom half up in a blanket, then covered him with two more and tucked him in within an inch of his life. It's been chilly here, and though he's got plenty of covers, he kicks them off quite aggressively sometimes. We've got two quilts on him, plus a softer sort of blanket, but I got a huge (no really, HUGE) bag of fleece from a friend last year and might try my hand at making him a quilt out of it. It's so very soft, and I'd just like to dive right into it, so maybe it's something he'd be more into snuggling down with. We'll see. I've never made a quilt, but it seems like it would be a pretty forgiving fabric to work with. Either way, I'm going to get a little electric heater to put in his room tonight to see if that fends off the 1am screaming.

I did start writing what I like to call "The Finn Manifesto" today, which I hope will have all answers to questions my parents might have while they're watching him.  They spend lots of time with him anyway, so it's not like they're novices or anything, but there are some finer points (routines, favoite foods, schedules, etc.) that they might find useful. I'm trying to make it very straightforward and streamlined, not overdo the info or be the totally neurotic mom I am just underneath the surface. Ah, neuroses...they're so easy to give into.

Oh, for those of you who might see Chad in the next few days, please keep the night away thing under wraps. He doesn't know about it (luckily, he also doesn't read my blog!).

Friday, October 5, 2012

hand me downs

i'll just go ahead and say it: i don't care about fashion. i DO love watching project runway (make it work!), and am pretty sure that one day my friends will nominate me for "what not to wear", but for goodness sakes, i just have better things to do with my

so you can imagine that i'm thrilled to say that i'm pretty sure we've purchased approximately three items of clothing for finnley james, and two of them are hats. i'm pretty psyched about this record so far considering he's still a pretty well-dressed dude (although my judgment is obviously skewed). we have been absolutely blessed with two sources for totally awesome hand-me-downs. the former owners are now 2 and 3 years of age, both families are done having kids, and we are the lucky recipients of trash bags full of goodies every time we go and visit. i kid you not: the last time we got a bag, there was a finn-sized linen suit in it. he's totally set

one of the things i like most about our situation is that not only is finn the lucky recipient of two wardrobes worth of clothes, but THOSE kids were lucky recipients of hand-me-downs, too...and you'd never know to look at these clothes. it's really true - they go through them so fast that - particularly at this age - they don't have an opportunity to trash them. this kid's got TWO pairs of merrell shoes (ahem, i don't even have one!), l.l. bean puddle jumpers, about 85 footie pjs, an equal number of flannel-lined pants (did i mention that these moms are practical, too?)...i could go on.

i won't even go into the fact that we have also been the recipients of a changing table, baby gates, car seats, a pack-n-play, a radio flyer walker, and so much more.

but the VERY best part? i have a well-dressed kiddo without having to lift a finger to do it. i have total faith that the clothes my cousin and friend send our way are in the best taste - because those moms have it in spades.

all that beings said...don't you think he'd just look adorable in this??? i'm seriously thinking of purchasing this for the annual holiday card, but have no taste, so i'm coming to you, blog readers. yay or nay?

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

right now...

I'm struggling with nursing.

Or rather, weaning.

Right now, I'm deciding what's best for me and Finn. My goal was always one year. Neither Chad nor I wants Finn nursing when he's old enough to ask for it. Maybe that's an arbitrary designation, but I really just don't want a toddler pulling down (or up!) my shirt in the middle of conversation, and I think we're approaching the cut off point. So it's time. Right?

At least, that's what my head says, but my heart is breaking a little. There are certainly times when Finn initiates the nursing (with vigor!), but sometimes, I'm the one. There's something about it that I love. Whether it's the closeness, the instant calm, the comfort I can provide without hesitation...I don't know. I just know I'm missing it already.

I'm also a bit scared. I know that I can soothe my kiddo without a doubt by pulling out a boob, but I've been so reliant on that for 15 months ( can't have been 15 months already!) now that I'm not 100% sure I've got any other tricks up my sleeve. I guess it's all a learning curve, this kid thing. This parent thing. This life thing.

Today might be the day. I just dropped him off at daycare until five. I've got a meeting at 5:30 and one at 6:30, so it's quite likely that he'll go to sleep tonight without having nursed at all. I wonder if he'll notice. I wonder if my body will just adjust like it's nothing. I guess we'll see.